Our weekends are strange sometimes Divina works at a hospital in Toronto when working weekends like she is this Saturday and Sunday I drive her to the hospital. Heading back up north to the outskirts of Toronto I stop at a McDonald’s that I always come off to if meeting a couple of buddies later in the morning at a different restaurant. These are long times friends, we have a connection which in some cases goes back 30 years or more.
I have an hour or so to kill before I meet up with the boys. I usually read a book or check out something on my Samsung Tablet. I get my coffee, find a comfortable place to settle in. Today I open up Google because I want to search for some information about radiating lymph nodes.
WHAT DID I JUST SAY? – I’M SEARCHING FOR RADIATING LYMPH NODES…
SERIOUSLY Peter what the heck are you doing? It suddenly comes into this thick head of mind WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? and what if anything are you going to do with this information? Before I hit the Google Search Button I pause and think about that very question, it occurred to me that during this cancer journey I must have completed hundreds of searches relating to my health. I come to realize that there are some hidden motives behind nearly all of those searches which for me is very simple.
I’m looking for something to either confirm or deny my current state of mind and fear plays a big part. Here is a recent article from CBC which tells us to ‘Think twice before consulting Dr. Google’
You see I really don’t want to die right now, So when I search some terminology associated with my cancer or the procedures that follow I’m always reading between the lines scanning for terms such as: terminal, malignant, chances of survival. When I read some like “Changes of a full recovery are excellent” it puts me in a better mood for the day, conversely when I read something like “survival rate is only 15% after five years” it changes my whole day.
Is reading any of this going to change anything? Do I really want my attitude towards the day ahead to be dictated by how I interpret what I read?
It changes nothing, I have cancer, they are doing what they can to deal with it – that’s it, it is what it is and I can’t change that, do I wish I could, of course – can I? In closing, I’m going to stay away from Dr Google I rarely find something positive so why go there, I’m reminded of this prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can
Courage to change the things I can
and the Courage to know the difference.
Try and have a good day folks – unless you’ve made other plans.
P.S. If you want to take a look at the top ten Dr. Google health searches here is a link to a Harvard Medical Study that will give you a list.
