Well, I made it this far…

My father would often say in difficult situations “One day we will look back and laugh at this” and often he was right, my mother as the instigator of most humor in our home was usually the one to create the laughter. Mum, dad you’re not here anymore but I would tell you for sure I find it hard to laugh at my cancer.  Trust me I’ve tried and sometimes succeeded but it ain’t fun knowing that it’s going to kill me. As I mentioned in a previous article ‘I know the how – but not the when’ Sorry that’s not much of an opener when the title of this piece is ‘Time for a Cautious Celebration’ but I woke up with that thought this morning.

I digress

Today was my last day of chemotherapy, I have endured 4 complete rounds consisting of 6 hours one week, two hours the next followed by a weeks rest.  This has been going on for 4 months, all that time going from feeling like absolute crap to feeling never more than 75% of my old self.  I was told that chemo was bad by many that had gone through it whilst on their cancer journey. But to be honest I got off lightly when I listen and see (at Odette Center) what others went through with chemo.

Regardless I wouldn’t wish chemo on anyone, mine, like so many others, mine was complicated with side-effects which it would seem are fairly common – over the 4 months, this has been ‘added’ to my treatments:

• Fears – Wow! These are bad, forget the ‘oh shit I’m going to die of cancer’ I mean things like ‘I have a headache maybe now I have brain cancer’ or ‘I have heartburn, no wait maybe now it’s in my lungs’ tha.t stuff drove me crazy and still does.
• Magnesium Deficiency – This one came up 2 thirds through the chemo, apparently, it’s not rare for chemo to 2 play havoc with mineral imbalances within one’s body.  Lack of magnesium can make you tired, rundown and loss of appetite. As is obvious – and as I have mentioned before ‘I’ not an expert’ on cancer or even magnesium for that matter so here is a link to an article on magnesium deficiencies. Mine was resolved with medication and the odd ‘top-up-bag of magnesium’ added to my regular chemo.
• Bruising – OK not a huge biggy but I have been pricked jabbed more time that I can count in the last 4 months, they were going to put in a tap but if you have been following me you’ll remember that got canceled. I have never been paranoid about needles, not that I’m a big fan of ‘looking’ while they do it. Chemo can make veins shrink somewhat and leading to more digging around to find one.
• Type 2 Diabetes – This one came out of nowhere and created all kinds of problems, I wrote about the problems I was having in this article. Still checking levels every, changed my eating habits and everything seems stable so hopefully having seen the last of the steroids which get administered when I get chemo it’ll mean coming off the insulin and pills.

The now what’s

I believe I mentioned in a previous article that while doing ‘the chemo thing’ I didn’t have to focus too much on the future, feeling like crap most of the time is sometimes all you can think about.  So now we move in the to next phase which will be Cat Scans followed by results towards the end of next month.

We or I have established that chemo (and cancer) ain’t fun but I have been a member of a fellowship for some time now that taught me the benefits of living ‘one day at a time’ and to find gratitude along the way. Cancer, gratitude, are you kidding me… Actually, I’m not. This first phase of my journey has taught me so much, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the fact that there have been so many people and situations that crossed my path that I would have to be a selfish idiot (I used to be) to not see the silver linings that have appeared.

People like the guy who controls the traffic at the Sunnybrook entrance that says as you pass “Try and have a good day sir”. The volunteers who constantly have a smile of encouragement for every patient they come across. The nurses, especially the chemo team who volunteer to be in those departments and do such an amazing job. My oncologist who has been pulling for me and countless others. Don’t forget the friends, so lucky to have my friends, they have been there to pick me up when I am down and laughed with me when I saw the humor in all this. Lastly, my daughter who at times has been strong for both of us. her strength seems endless, and my partner Divina who in her quiet selfless way has been to every chemo session, every appointment always by my side.

I love them all and together we’ll move on to the next phase.

Grateful? – Damn, right I’m grateful!

Try and have a great day, Peeps

Peter (&t)

PS: Edited as usual on the fly so you’ll have to live with the spelling and grammatical mistakes…