An old English schoolboy chant:

A fart is a wonderful eruption
It comes from the valley of bum
I goes through the land of trousers
and comes out with a musical hum

I have no idea why I remember saying this when I was a kid in school but it has always stuck with me but you may be wondering the relevance to my current journey.

It may just be me until I actually Chemo Farts (sometimes I love Google) I have steered away from the ‘heavy duty this going to depress me searches’ to the more light-hearted searches regarding my cancer, hence Chemo Farts.  I actually found a guy in New Zealand who wrote a hilarious article about the very subject CLICK HERE if you want to read it.

In another online article written by a girl with leukemia, YOU CAN READ IT HERE She offers up here own amusing description

“When the Chemo Fart has matured into adulthood and passes through the puckered door into the world, it blesses a solid ten-foot perimeter with its heavy, vulgar scent. Initially, though, on its journey to the world, it boasts a hard casing, which allows for a delightfully musical tone as it exits the anus. Then, the malodorous scent percussively blooms in its new environment, rolling in a palpable fog of foulness”

I digress, I have fond memories of being a 17 or 18-year-old who with a bunch of buddies went to stay at one of our friend’s aunts who had a bed and breakfast place down by the sea, it must have been end of season and we had the place to ourselves.  For some reason, we started a conversation about what foods make you fart.  The aunt. who was a great lady decided supper that night was going to made up of three ingredients:

• Baked Beans
• Cabbage
• Fried Onions

This concoction was effective beyond our wildest dreams, to add to the delight of the 6 or so immature teenagers we took our farts to the local bowling alley.  As I’m sure you’re aware bowling requires a lot of bending a position which was perfect for the release of our ‘homebrew’ and toxic gases a memorable night for sure.

I think you are getting the point here – there are no words to describe the sound and smell of a chemo fart especially mine.  the best way for me to describe them is as if baby skunks had crawled up my arse, got lost trying to return to their mother and died.  They are killers, Divina has to leave the room, George our cat leaves the bedroom and won’t return until the morning. The worse is that they frequent, very frequent… So that’s the tale of the ‘Toots’ – if you ever are in the unfortunate position where you undergo chemo expect the chemo farts.

Have a great day ~ Unless you’ve made other plans

Peter (and Theodore AKA my Cancer)

Sunday Footnote:

Death is not the enemy
Loss of hope and love is…